


Anachronistic Yiddish

by charmquark



Category: Naruto.
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:51:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2308697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmquark/pseuds/charmquark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Fifth Hokage takes to a third vice. ( peripheral NaruSaku )</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anachronistic Yiddish

Tsunade, over the course of a long and infamous career (no one dared give a specific number of years, at least not when she was in earshot) had accumulated almost as many monikers and titles as she had admirers of her equally infamous chest. People called her Princess Tsunade growing up, but that was because of her relationship with the First and Second Hokages and thus wasn’t really earned. Sannin was a title she fought for, she and her teammates, something Hanzou gave them as reward for survival, something they shared (the brawn of the team, if Orochimaru was feeling snide, or the boobs, if Jiraiya was feeling particularly suicidal). The Legendary Sucker was one she picked up in her years of traveling when she wasn’t picking up very much cash. Now they called her the Fifth Hokage, with all the respect due to that title.

Well. Sort of.

She supposed she sort of asked for it, training a girl like Sakura for seven years. Shizune at least was respectful and polite. For that matter, so was Sakura, but the younger of the two had spunk and a temper that rivaled Tsunade’s, and she’d never made any effort to curb it. Why would she? It gave the girl the stones to storm into her office demanding to be trained, trembling with nerves but determined, and it was what convinced the Hokage to take her on in the first place. She was diplomatic when she needed to be, cheeky when she didn’t feel like being nice, and it was amusing enough that Tsunade let it be.

Although it was awfully tempting to exact retribution when she and Shizune started hiding her extra sake bottles. It was unseemly for a Hokage to engage in her first addiction — gambling — and they were trying to cure her of her alcoholism, but Tsunade was in many ways a woman of vice, and that would never be cured. When her primary and secondary habits were taken away from her, she turned to a third.

And so it was that Princess Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage, took to matchmaking out of sheer sober boredom.

It was both difficult and not to do. Her social life was meetings and conference calls with other Kages and making her apprentices work long hours when she was feeling a bit vindictive, so it’s not like she could introduce people at parties, but she _was_ the motherfucking Hokage and she could send anyone on any kind of mission she wanted. So why not send a pair on long escort missions, or undercover ones where they had to play the happy couple?

The problem was, setting two people up to see if sparks flew was a bit like gambling, and Tsunade was notoriously bad at that. She seemed to have a knack for sending men she would have _sworn_ were at least a little gay, but apparently weren’t (or very deeply in denial) or just overall bad matches that anyone could have told her wouldn’t work out, but didn’t, because she was the motherfucking Hokage and she could break anyone in half with her pinky. No one wanted to risk it.

Except Sakura. She kept her opinions to herself at first, but after a particularly disastrous incident with Kiba and Hinata that nearly started a war between their respective clans, finally Tsunade’s mouthier apprentice rolled her eyes and bestowed yet another title on her: Konoha’s No. 1 Worst _Yenta._

“You could stand to be more subtle about it, you know,” Sakura said one day, as the sun was going down and there was no one else in the office to hear her disrespecting her superior.

Tsunade’s mouth was a severe line, and she tapped her nails irritably on her desk. She liked that her young student was vivacious and suffered no fools. She was largely proud of the woman she’d become. It should only be expected that after so long, Sakura would feel comfortable enough to turn that sass around on her master. But if she was going to do that, then Tsunade was going to forget her unspoken resolve not to comment on the bizarre courtship, the will-they-won’t-they-apparently-they-won’t-ever-because-they’re-stupid that had sprung up between Sakura and Naruto in the past couple of years. The one that reminded her a little too much of the only bet she ever won.

“You want subtle? You should fuck Naruto before he does something stupid and heroic and dies on you.” Then she leaned back in her chair, watching the younger woman’s mouth drop open. “In fact, I’ll give you tonight and tomorrow off if you promise to go find him.”

The sound Sakura made then, like an indignant squawk, was so funny that Tsunade had to make an effort not to laugh at her. She settled for smirking as the girl went bright red.

But really, she’d deserved that.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know that's not really what _Yenta_ means. Shhh.


End file.
